What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 21.06.2025 01:11
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
How do you identify a woman player?
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
She found it foreign!.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
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Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
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Comes on , in middle age.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
How do flat earthers explain the Earth being stationary? Is this concept considered impossible?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I said to her
What's the point of gender reassignment surgery which doesn't change a person's chromosomes?
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Do Flat Earthers exist today? If so, where do they live?
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Was to survive, this bastard.
My family never makes their pension either.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
She married twice! .
I was scared of men, in general
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
But it wasn’t much.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
What are some reasons why people may fear strong men?
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
And i lived it daily.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I was seconnd youngest,
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
What do people aim for when they meditate, and how do they do it properly?
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
We all went to grammer schools
I have no regrets .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Who then, do I blame.?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
My life is so biszare .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I don,t even have a pension.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I was 9 years of age.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Why did i forgive my father ?
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
We were not on the streets..
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
So, i spoilt her more .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
But, we were locked up after school.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Especially a lifetime of it.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Put me off passion for life!!
Ive learnt so much.
(And it was in our own minds.)
I was very sick at this time too.
I write beautiful poetry .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
The only rule us 5 kids had .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
One cannot live in the past .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
What did i know ?
I could never make a relationship work though!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I will be 64.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
So whats the point in blame.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
It was going to be , some day.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Im still living with it.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
When she asked me how she looked .
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
She wouldn,t have been !
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Would this be the day?
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
She loved him until the end.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
All the time i was locked up.
He knew the spot.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I waited trembling.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
She was in good health!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I think the readers, may guess!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I couldn’t, believe it.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
This is soul school!.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.